Monday, February 06, 2006

* * * Trying.... * * *

Sch
Missed sch last fri, all because i could nt slp at nite and stayed up all nite, till like 7 plus then my eyes auto closed! and my lesson starts at 8!!! No choice, somemore i've to finish up the pro and faster keep up with the design of the pro, felt tat i've nt been doin very many things, but then, engine is hot but the driver isnt, haha, wat to do nw wat to do.... gotta revise also for the exams......

Self
Feeling lonely, missed her soo F@@@@@@ much, then ag wondering if she is onli playin along or does she miss me to, i dun noe, but i cant stop my emotions frm feeling this way... All im hoping for is tat she can love me, and nt falsely love me... Mixed emotions always cloud my mind, y??? feel tat she still loves me, but then also feels tat shes nt...wating for her call...everytime i return home i would hav this expectation hoping tat she will be in my room, dwnstairs waitin for me, givin me a surprise, i would be soo contented, so happy alr, but then,she wouldnt, she cant, she will nt.... Wondering y does God alwasy giv me gals, noeing in the end i would suffer, noeing tat i would be hurt, so deeply tat i surprise myself even...tot i can let go, tats it, FINAL...But then i cant, y is it so, y cant i find a gal who loves me and treats me gd, simple and gd, y does the gals tat i had found always always hurt me soo deeply...

**Winds of loneliness, sands of insanity
helps everyone when they are down.
Cruel time, and merciless crowds,
mock at u with vicious frowns.
Looked everywhere for a hiding place,
searched everywhere for a deserted solace,
all i've found was hurt and pain,
all i've found was the Devil's gaze.
Help me Lord dun deny my plea,
giv me the strength and comfort me.
Triump over my enemies that i shall win,
Glory, happiness tat all will see....**

SpankyJewels posted at 3:55 AM

Thursday, February 02, 2006

* * * Haiz... * * *

Sch
Haha goin to Work first, then go studyin...gdgd. Poor Irvin was lamenting and grumbling abt all the bad abt it, hahaaha.. im ok wif it, especially that i can expereience first the work life and how to adapt to it..hehehehehe.

Self
Many things and situations caused me to forgo alot of appointments wif my frds, missing and skippin many of them... Becomin too complacent with myself and not goin too hard.. Tryin harder, engine too cold alr becoz of too much slaggin these few days and weeks.... Really wonder wats the meanin of everything, that sumtimes when the things that u wan happens to u, u wiil become bored and not cherish it, the feelings that i've had be4 was juz nt there anymore, y??? cant be who i used to be anymore, was it becoz of the other one, or it is juz me.... tormenting myself whenever i try. yet when one hand is doin this thing, i cat do the other thing correctly and smoothly.. Becomin more inwardly bound and hackcare, nt myself but y am i becomin like this, isst becoz of situations that brings me to this place or all myself....

It is a thing that causes one to lose oneself,totally forgetting ones composure and letting go of all dignity, yet it causes much warmth to one while bringin alot of anger to another.Worries and struggles it will consisst, and on the other side will be bliss and happiness, but the who is rite and who is wrong, who noes the limit and who can fathom wat will happen next...none... Yet, on top of everyhthing,it all comes down to ones undyin love for another, while to another it is continuing anguist and unbearable ...... LOVE = Love Often Violates Emotions

**THe greatest of emotions,yet the destroyer of all....**

SpankyJewels posted at 5:22 PM